


the business of being dead (and the curse of virginity)

by Smudge



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, and jellybean just wanted some candy, because bughead, betty is nicer than she ought to be, don't worry the curse of virginity won't last, he did it anyway, i took some liberties but i think the spirit is the same, in which we have a hocus pocus au, jughead is sarcastic, oh jughead didn't anyone ever tell you not to play with fire?, with witches and cats and virgins oh my
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-01-15 03:46:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21246956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smudge/pseuds/Smudge
Summary: “Really?” Jughead digs the lighter out of his pocket, smirking, before lighting the wick. “Let’s bring them back then, and see what they have to say for themselves.”“-but not just anyone, right, Betty? A virgin has to light it.”Jughead stops, a flicker of doubt and fear curling into his stomach as he realizes a virgin just lit the candle on the full moon. Spinning to look at Betty, he’s telling himself he’s not superstitious and it’s just a myth, a fun thing to tell kids on Halloween to keep them out of trouble.“That’s right,” Betty agrees softly, looking at him with confusion written all over her face.“It’s not a real story, right?”“It’s supposed to be very real, it’s an important part of Riverdale history. Why?”“Because a virgin just lit the candle.”Or, Jughead causes a series of unfortunate events.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anchor_bird_94](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anchor_bird_94/gifts).

> Hello all! 
> 
> Here it is. I'm so full of candy, I don't even know if I should be doing this right now. Oh well. When a girl gets a request for a Hocus Pocus AU, she agrees, she doesn't even think about it. I hope it lives up to your expectations, anchor_bird_94! 
> 
> As always, besos for you all and you can come [tumble](https://thetaoofbetty.tumblr.com/) with me if you want.

**300 Years Earlier **

“We’ll be back!” the redheaded witch screamed, trying to ignore the feeling of the rough fibers of the rope wrapped around her neck. “You’ll pay for this-” 

“Let it go, Cheryl,” Veronica interrupted, sounding resigned. “You know how touchy people get when you suck the souls out of their children.” 

“Then they shouldn’t make them so youthful and good for potions ingredients!” 

“Do you think there’s boys there?” Toni asked from Cheryl’s other side, rolling her neck around to loosen the noose. 

“Where?” Cheryl asked, irritated. 

“In Hell,” Toni answered, moving on to twisting her wrists to get more comfortable. 

She huffed, giving Veronica a look before she spoke. “Of course. It’s Hell isn’t it? Where else would they go?” 

Veronica and Toni nodded, shrugging in unison. 

“This is going to ruin my dress,” Cheryl whined, pouting. “I just stole it, too.” 

“Don’t fret,” Veronica soothed, ignoring the yelling of the townspeople calling for their heads, “We won’t be waiting long, all we need to do is wait for a virgin and a full moon.” 

* * *

**October 31st (3pm)**

“Everyone knows Halloween was invented by the candy companies,” Jughead scoffs, ignoring the groaning students around him. “It’s a conspiracy.” 

“It just so happens that Halloween is based on the ancient feast called All Hallows Eve,” a feminine voice behind him says, sounding annoyed. “It’s the one night of the year where the spirits of the dead can return to earth.” 

He knew that voice. He’d only lived in Riverdale for a week, but he’s already infatuated with one Betty Cooper -otherwise known as his dream girl. 

Even if he wasn’t sure she knew who he was until that very moment. 

Trying to come up with a witty comeback, he’s got something on the tip of his tongue when the bell rings and he scribbles a note quickly before walking up to her desk, pretending to be more confident than he is. 

He hands her the paper with a smirk. “In case Edgar Allen Poe comes back to life.” 

She opens it and a small laugh escapes her as she reads the phone number he’s written down. Grabbing her bag she gets up and walks around him, stuffing the paper in the back pocket of her jeans. He’s trying not to smile at the fact that she actually kept it when he’s distracted by someone standing in front of him. 

“Never gonna happen,” the guy says, his dark hair and glasses standing out as his defining features. Clapping him on the shoulder, he passes him, shaking his head. 

Jughead grabs his bag and runs out into the hallway, deciding to try and make it home before he can embarrass himself further. Stopping to grab his helmet out of his locker, he’s halfway across the parking lot before he realizes he really gave his phone number to Betty Cooper in the middle of a class full of people. Feeling his face flush, he bites his lip and lets his head fall back in the mortification of hindsight. 

He’s about to pull his helmet over his ears when he hears his name being called. Turning around, he sees Betty jogging towards him, her ponytail swinging behind her. 

“Hey,” he says nervously, wondering if he’s about to get chewed out. 

Betty stops as she reaches him, a sideways smile on her face. “Hey yourself.” Reaching into her back pocket, she pulls out a folded paper and his stomach drops, thinking she’s handing his number back to him. “Here.” 

Taking it gingerly from her, he opens it, confusion flitting across his face. 

“What’s this?” 

“An invitation.” 

“To,” he starts, reading it over once more, “a party at your house?” 

Nodding, she gestures to it with a casual wave of her hand. “A costume party, yeah.” 

“I don’t dress up–” 

“You don’t have to,” she cuts in, shrugging. “But I thought it might be fun if you stopped by.” 

“Yeah, I mean, sure,” Jughead stutters out, crumbling the paper into his hand on accident. “Oh, wait, I can’t-” 

“That’s okay,” she says quickly, blinking and stepping back, her cheeks becoming a pretty shade of pink. “It was just an idea-” 

“No, I want to, I just promised to take my little sister trick or treating tonight,” he tells her, wincing at the idea of walking Jellybean all around Riverdale. “And she doesn’t really know anyone here yet and she’s still pretty young and my dad will be at work so…” 

Betty’s smile lights up her face, like he’s done something adorable. “I understand.” Hitching her bag over her shoulder, she turns to walk away, looking over her shoulder as she leaves. “Have fun tonight, Jughead.” 

Telling himself he promised Jellybean and therefore he can’t follow the pretty girl home and beg her to let him stay, he pushes the helmet over his head and reads her invitation one last time before tucking it in his pocket as proof that Betty Cooper not only spoke to him, but that she wanted to spend time with him. 

* * *

**October 31st (5pm)**

“Jellybean, let’s go!” Jughead yells from the living room, flopping back onto the soft cushions of the Jones family sofa. “Don’t you want candy?” 

“I’m almost done!” 

“Almost, my ass-” 

“I heard that!” 

Groaning in annoyance, Jughead closes his eyes and thinks about Betty instead. The way her hair looks like spun gold when the sun hits it and the way her sweaters stretch across her chest and he just knows she’s got the most perfect set of-

“Jughead!” Jellybean shouts, knocking him out of his daydream, laughing when she startles him into jerking upright. 

“That’s it, you’re dead,” he threatens, running down the hall after her, attacking her sides with tickling fingers, telling her he’ll only stop if he gets thirty percent of her candy haul. 

“Twenty!” she calls out, trying to compromise. 

“Twenty-five!” 

“Fifteen and that’s my final offer,” she says breathlessly, pushing her hair out of her eyes and looking up at him with pleading eyes. 

“Ten.” 

“Fifteen.” 

“I’ll take it,” Jughead agrees, smirking at her. 

“Hey,” Jellybean whines out, kicking him in the shin. “You tricked me.” 

“I’m not tricking you; I’m teaching you the art of negotiation.” 

“How?” 

“Distraction.” 

Jellybean rolls her eyes at him and fixes the hat she’d attached to her head. “Are you ready now or are you still thinking about Betty?” 

“I was waiting for you -wait, what do you know about Betty?” he asks, grabbing a plastic pumpkin to hold Jellybean’s candy off the counter while ushering her out of the house, locking the door behind them. 

“I know that you have a big fat crush on her,” she answers, reaching for the pumpkin. “And you said her name in your sleep the other day.” 

“Jelly! Be quiet,” he hisses, avoiding the eyes of the kids walking past them. “That’s definitely something I need you to keep in the Jones vault, okay?” 

“Hmm,” she hums out, tapping her chin and narrowing her eyes at him. “For ten percent, you got a deal.” 

“Nice,” Jughead replies, proud. “You’re getting better. Now let’s go before my ten percent is nothing but that weird peanut butter candy that no one even knows the name of.” 

“Gross.” 

Walking on the outside to keep her on the sidewalk, he has to keep grabbing the ribbons on her witches hat to stop her from running off ahead of him. They’ve only hit about a dozen houses when he checks his watch. 

“Are you ready to go home?” 

Glaring at him, Jellybean shakes her head. “No.” 

Sighing, Jughead nods at her and lets her lead the way down the street to more houses, her candy bucket over halfway full when she finally starts to slow down. 

“Getting tired?” 

Yawning, she shakes her head and he raises his eyebrows at her. 

“Just a few more?” 

“Sure, but just remember that you asked so I’m not carrying you home,” Jughead says, gently pulling her to the side to get out of the way of an oncoming crowd. 

“Not even piggyback?” 

“We’ll see.” 

* * *

**October 31st (7pm)**

“Ugh, I feel like we’ve been walking forever,” Jellybean whines, opening one of the candies she’d taken from her bucket and popping it into her mouth. 

“Me too,” Jughead agrees, stopping to look around, not sure what neighborhood they were even in. “We might be lost.” 

“Jug,” Jellybean whispers, tugging on his sleeve, “look at that house.” 

Turning around, he’s a little in awe at the large house in front of them. It was lit up like a scary version of Christmas, with carved pumpkins lining the walkway up to it. There were spider webs on every surface, stretched out over the bushes and along the fencing that ran around the back of the house. He sees the outline of an old cottage with a thatched roof further back, nestled into the trees but before he can think on it further, Jellybean grabs his hand and starts pulling him up the walkway. 

“They must have the best candy, Jug,” she declares, her steps determined. 

He silently agrees with her. They definitely look like they have the money for it. The loud music is barely distracting him as he follows Jellybean and he wonders if he and his little sister are about to crash some snob’s Halloween party. 

“Jelly,” he starts, slowing his steps, “I’m not sure they’re the handing out candy type.”

“Someone’s got candy in there and you know it.” 

Biting back a smile at her defiant attitude, he admits she’s probably right. When they finally get to the large wooden door, there’s no answer after ringing the bell twice. Jughead flinches at Jellybean’s insistent knocking before he decides to try and talk her into leaving when the door slowly swings open. 

“Hello?” Jellybean calls out, sticking her head through the doorway. “Trick or treat?” 

“Jelly–” 

“Hey! I said trick or treat!” 

“–bean,” Jughead finishes, sighing. “I don’t think anyone–” He stops mid sentence when he sees Betty walking down the stairs in a princess costume, complete with puffy skirt and corset. It’s pink with silver ribbons and her hair is piled in curls on top of her head. “Betty?” 

“Ohhh, Betty,” Jellybean draws out, smiling a huge toothy grin at him. “The one and only.” 

He leans down to her, ready to promise anything if she doesn’t embarrass him. “Whatever you want, I will try to make it happen if you don’t-” 

“Jughead?” 

Standing up straight, he can feel his cheeks heat up. “Oh, hey, Betty. Hi. Uh, I didn’t know you lived here.” 

“I gave you the address earlier?” Betty looks between him and Jellybean confused. “You’re not here for the party?” 

“He was taking me trick or treating,” Jellybeans pipes up, eyeing the dish full of candy on a table in the entryway. “So trick or treat.” She sticks her candy pail out, shaking it as if to demand the candy. 

“Jelly!” Jughead hisses, mortified. “I’m sorry, Betty, she was raised by wolves, my parents found her in a ditch-” 

“Liar,” Jellybean scoffs, crossing her arms. 

“Hi, Jellybean,” Betty says, reaching her hand out for Jellybean to shake. “I’m Betty.” 

“Oh, I know.” 

Betty meets his eyes with confusion and he wants to melt into the floor. He nudges Jellybean to shake her hand and she gives Betty a smile while reaching her own hand out. 

“So, Betty, do you have any candy?” 

“Jesus, Jelly,” he groans, covering his face in shame before inhaling and looking back at Betty. “I’m sorry, she’s got the Jones appetite, she’d probably sell my soul for food.” 

Jellybean nods. “I would.” 

Smiling, Betty reaches behind her for the bowl of candy that was sitting there. “Well we can’t have that, can we? Here you go, take as much as you want.” 

“That’s not a good idea,” Jughead says, stopping Jellybean right before she dumps the whole thing in her already almost-full pumpkin bucket. “So, this is the party you invited me to?” 

“Yeah, it’s mostly for my parents so I’m stuck here looking like a decoration.” 

“You can come trick or treating with us,” Jellybean offers, as she opens some candy and stuffs it in her mouth. 

Betty’s chewing on her lower lip, trying to keep in an amused smile. “Thank you, Jellybean, for the kind offer but I don’t think this costume is meant for walking long distances.” 

“Yeah,” Jellybean agrees, looking her up and down, “it looks like you can barely breathe.” 

Before he can stop himself, he sweeps his eyes across Betty’s costume and Jelly’s right, she looks like she can hardly breathe. Her waist is cinched in and she’s standing like there’s a good chance she can’t bend over. He’s trying not to look at her chest but his eyes dart down just quick enough to guarantee he says her name in his sleep for at least three weeks. 

“But, if you want, I can show you the Blossom cottage-” 

“The witch?” Jellybean interrupts, intrigued. “I learned about her and her coven in school today.” 

“Mmhm,” Betty hums out, looking up at him with a raised eyebrow. “The Coopers are related to the Blossoms on my father’s side, this house was passed around until my father bought it when I was little.”

Jughead flinches when he remembers what happened earlier that day in class. He’s shocked she didn’t throw his number back in his face after that but he stays quiet, not wanting to interrupt. 

“Really?” 

Nodding, Betty smiles down at her. “Really. The cottage is out just past the trees in the back.” 

“Can I see it?” 

“Only if your brother says okay.” 

Jellybean grabs his hand and stares up at him with big, pleading eyes. “Juuuug.” 

Pretending he didn’t hear her, he looks down. “What?” 

“Jughead-” 

“Did you want something, Jelly?” 

She stomps her foot and tugs on his sleeve. “Forsyth-” 

“Okay, okay, fine, you win. We can go see where some witches died if you want.” 

“Not died,” Betty informs him. “Where they were caught sucking the souls out of the local children.” 

“Because that’s better,” he scoffs, ignoring the looks of his baby sister and Betty. “What?” 

Shaking her head, Betty gives him a soft smile. “Just let me go change and we’ll go. No one will notice I’m gone for a while.” 

* * *

**October 31st (8pm)**

“Are you sure this is safe?” he asks Betty, holding tightly to Jellybean’s hand as they walked through the dark, the only light coming from the flashlight Betty had brought with her. “I’m not going to get eaten by some weird animal, right?” 

Betty stops and turns to shine the flashlight in his face, making him squint from the brightness. “Are you scared, Jughead?” 

“What? No,” he insists, tightening his grip on Jellybean’s hand. “Of course not.” 

He can see Betty’s amusement even in the dark and he gestures at her to keep going. Reaching the door of the old cottage, she pushes on it with her shoulder, fighting with the doorknob. 

“Here, let me try,” he offers, stepping forward. Angling his shoulder into it, he pushes hard on the handle at the same time he uses his bodyweight to move the door, shocked when it opens and he goes flying into the room. 

“Good job,” Jellybean says, stepping over him, holding onto Betty’s hand now, staying close to her side. 

“Thanks,” he mutters sarcastically. “It’s not like I fell or anything, I’m fine by the way.” 

Both girls ignore him, Betty looking around the room for something. 

“What are you looking for?” 

“This.” Betty is messing with something on the wall and the room floods with light, making him cover his eyes with a wince. “That’s better.” 

“If you say so,” Jughead says, coughing at the dust that got kicked up from people walking across the floor. “Did the witches put in electricity too?” 

Betty narrows her eyes at him. “No, the cottage used to be open to the public but my dad stopped that years ago.” 

“Why?” 

Shrugging, Betty, wipes her hand off on her jeans. “Don’t know, he just said the wrong sort were breaking into it, so he locked it up and built a fence around the property.” 

“Look at this!” Jellybean exclaims, sticking her head into the giant cauldron sitting in the middle of the room. “Do you think this is where they made all their potions?” 

“Of course-” “Of course not-” Betty and Jughead say simultaneously before turning to face one another. 

“Don’t believe everything people tell you, Jelly.” 

“And don’t believe your grumpy brother, either,” Betty adds helpfully, standing next to Jellybean while he wanders around the cobweb covered cottage. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he mumbles to himself, running his fingers over what looked like an old tourist display, grimacing at how much dust kicks up at the light touch. Finding a lighter, he flicks it open, shocked when it still works and pockets it before making his way back to Jellybean. “Are you ready?” 

“I guess,” she answers, walking over to where an old book was being kept behind glass. “What’s this?” 

“The witches spellbook,” Betty says, giving Jughead a defiant stare. “And that,” she tells them both, pointing out an old candle near his head, “is the Black Flame Candle.” 

“What does it do?” he asks, turning to look up at it. 

“It’s the candle that brings them back, right?” Jellybean offers, almost bouncing over to Betty. “Someone has to light it on the full moon-” 

“Really?” Jughead digs the lighter out of his pocket, smirking, before lighting the wick. “Let’s bring them back then, and see what they have to say for themselves.” 

“-but not just anyone, right, Betty? A virgin has to light it.” 

Jughead stops, a flicker of doubt and fear curling into his stomach as he realizes a virgin just lit the candle on the full moon. Spinning to look at Betty, he’s telling himself he’s not superstitious and it’s just a myth, a fun thing to tell kids on Halloween to keep them out of trouble. 

“That’s right,” Betty agrees softly, looking at him with confusion written all over her face. 

“It’s not a real story, right?” 

“It’s supposed to be very real, it’s an important part of Riverdale history. Why?” 

“Because a virgin just lit the candle.” 

* * *

  


**October 31st (8:15pm)**

“Caramel!” Betty yells, darting over to pick up a reddish colored cat. “What are you doing out here?” 

“Caramel?” Jughead questions, reaching to pet the cat but moving back when the cat hisses and strikes out at him. “Not friendly, then?” 

“No, really friendly. He must not like you,” Jellybean informs him as she runs a hand along Caramel’s back, giggling at his purring. “They say animals are good judges of character you know.” 

“You’re so funny, Jellybean,” Jughead deadpans. “Just so hilarious.” 

“I know.” 

He’s about to snark back at her when the ground rumbles and the walls shake, dust scattering off the walls and roof down onto them, making them cough. Caramel jumps out of Betty’s arms, running towards the middle of the room, scratching the wooden stand that was housing the spell book. 

“What’s your cat doing?” he asks, reaching for Jellybean and Betty, tucking them into his sides to protect them from the falling dirt. 

“I don’t know.” Betty’s fingers are twisted into his coat, holding onto him with one hand while trying to cover Jellybean as well with the other. “He’s usually really calm.” 

The rumble of thunder is shaking the walls of the old cottage, sending them scrambling to stay on their feet, the lightning cracking outside sounding like it was right outside the door makes Jellybean scream. Jughead pulls her in as close as he can and Betty throws her arm around her even tighter while he’s looking any other exits.

“Come on, we need to get out of here-” 

“Caramel!” Betty calls out, trying to break out of his grip to go grab her wayward pet, “Caramel, come here!” 

“Betty, he’ll be okay,” Jughead says, trying to reassure her. “We need to go.” 

“But-” Jellybean starts, but he cuts her off with a sharp look. 

“He’ll be fine-” 

The door being slammed open stops him, and all three of them jump, turning to look at the door, temporarily forgetting about Caramel. The appearance of three women, all dressed in what looks like full witches costumes, shocks them all into silence and they watch as a woman on the right, with dark brown hair and a raised eyebrow turns to the redhead in the middle. 

_ “I smell children.” _

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> If you try and tell me it's November, I'll cry. 
> 
> And if you make me cry, that's mean and I can't believe you'd be that hurtful. 
> 
> Wow. How dare. 
> 
> Really. 
> 
> But if you're here for the ride, anyway, let's gooooooo!

**October 31st (8:20pm)**

“I see children, Veronica,” the redhead says menacingly, snapping her head to the side where the three of them were huddled together, trying to blend in with the wall silently. “And you know how I feel about children.” 

“Yes, yes, you want to take their souls to keep yourself youthful. We all do. It’s sort of our deal.” 

“Oh, look, Cheryl, a boy!” the girl on the left says, jumping up and down. “I haven’t seen a living one in _ so _long.” 

“Well he won’t be alive for long, will he?” 

Jughead stands up straight, positioning himself in front of Betty and Jellybean. “So, hey, what’s up?” 

The three of them look at each other in confusion. The leader, Cheryl, steps forward with her finger resting on her chin. “_ What’s up? _ What does that mean?” 

“You know,” Jughead says, shrugging, “It’s a _ hey, hello, what’s going on _ type of thing?” 

“Is that right?” 

“I’m going to go ahead and say yeah but if you disagree, that’s fine too.” 

“Cheryl, don’t toy with your food. You know it puts off my appetite,” the one Jughead now knows is Veronica says, sounding bored. 

“Yeah, Cheryl, uh, you shouldn’t toy with your food,” Jughead agrees, inching himself and the girls behind him closer to the door. Turning his head to the side, he whispers to Betty and Jellybean as quietly as he can, “Make a run for it. I’ll distract them.” 

“Jug, no,” Jellybean whimpers, clutching his hand hard, making him wince. 

“Betty.” He squeezes her hand in his. “Take Jelly and run. I’ll meet you back at the house.” 

Seeing her nod out of the corner of his eye, he feels Betty pry Jellybean’s fingers from around his. He gestures to the back door with his chin and the moment she takes Jellybean and runs, he darts to the middle of the room, grabbing up Caramel–who hadn’t moved–from trying to claw his way to the spellbook. He holds the cat out in front of himself. 

“Behold! The cat of, uh, holiness!” he announces, flinching at how stupid he sounds. 

“Really? The cat of holiness?” a new voice asks. A male voice. One that seems to be coming from the cat itself. 

Jughead drops Caramel in shock, stepping away from him and into the podium the cat had been scratching at, knocking it over. The glass shatters loudly in his ears while he’s trying to process what’s happening.

“You can talk?” 

“Of course I can talk!” 

“Oh, Archibald,” Cheryl coos, “is that you? I see you’re still working on those nine lives.” 

“Witch,” Caramel mutters, turning his head and looking at a wide-eyed Jughead. “Grab the book and run.” 

“What?” 

“The spellbook, get it and go!” 

“Are you trying to get rid of my new friend, Archibald?” 

“I’m trying to get rid of _ you_, witch,” Caramel hisses, swiping a paw at her. 

Jughead pivots on his foot to grab the book and make a break for it when he’s thrown through the air, landing with a thud on the old wooden floorboards. He groans as the book lands on his face. Wrapping his fingers around the edges of the spellbook, he pulls it down to see the witches facing off against the tiny talking cat. 

Looking over at the open door Betty and Jellybean had run through, he tries to flip over as quietly as he can, nudging himself along on his knees. Seeing freedom less than five feet in front of him, he’s about to make a break for it when two pointy-toed shoes come to a stop less than six inches in front of his nose. 

“Shit,” he whispers, gripping the book tighter and resting his forehead on the dusty floor before looking up at the witch whose name he’s yet to learn. “Hi?” 

“Hello,” she says sweetly, a smile lighting up her face. Kneeling down before him, she runs her hand through his hair, making him cringe. “Most virgins aren’t this pretty.” 

“Uh, thanks?” Jughead says, trying to slowly back away from her. 

The witch pulls on her long hair, standing and spinning in a circle while laughing. Coming closer, she licks her lips, looking over him. “You know, Cheryl might let me keep you if you give us the other–” 

“You cannot keep him, Toni,” Cheryl says, monotone, looking at her nails. “Did you learn nothing from that poor little village girl you tried to keep?” 

“We were in love!” Toni snaps back, turning so fast, her skirts hit Jughead in the face. 

“You said the same thing about–” 

“It was love then, too!” 

“It’s always love,” Veronica says, bored. “Leave her alone, Cheryl. You know how she likes her pets.” 

Raising an eyebrow, Cheryl gives Veronica a sharp nod. “Bring him here, Toni, while I deal with our sweet Archibald.” 

Jughead stands up quickly, trying to dodge sharp nails while heading for the still open door behind her. She gets a grip on the edges of his coat and he doesn’t think before he pulls the lighter out of his pocket and flips it open, shoving the flame near her face. 

Yelping and backing away, she trips over her own feet, landing hard on her backside as Jughead stumbles to the open doorway, holding out the lighter under the book, the flames dancing under the edge of the cover. 

“Drop the cat,” he demands, his voice shaking less than he thought it would. “Or I’ll set your book on fire.” 

Narrowing her eyes at Jughead, she tosses the struggling feline to the ground, glaring as Caramel bolted out of the doorway behind Jughead. 

“Cheryl, he’s got fire magic,” Toni says, crawling away from him, letting Veronica help her up. 

“I see that,” Cheryl tells her coolly. Facing Jughead, she folds her arms across her chest. “You better hope you can run faster than we can fly.” 

Jughead silently hopes for the same thing as he turns and runs out of the door and into the night. 

* * *

**October 31st (8:30pm)**

“We gotta go,” Jughead yells to the girls still crouched and waiting under a tree near the front of Betty’s house. “Like, now.” 

“To the cemetery!” Caramel yells, running in front of Jughead to lead the way. 

“Caramel?” Betty gasps, looking at the talking cat. 

“Oh yeah, the cat talks,” Jughead says as he takes Jellybean’s hand with the one not holding the witches’ spellbook, making sure she can’t get lost behind them. 

“Awesome!” Jellybean exclaims, almost tripping over her own feet to look over at Caramel. 

“Do you even know where the cemetery is?” Betty asks, running next to him. 

Shaking his head, Jughead tries not to let her see he’s already out of breath. “I’m just following the cat.” 

“It’s Archie!” the cat informs them, turning right along one of the wooded paths on the Cooper property. 

Betty meets his eyes in shock, but she doesn’t say anything. She just keeps her pace next to them, taking Jellybean’s other hand when his little sister starts to lag behind. 

Archie runs through the bars of the gates to the entrance of the cemetery. Jughead pushes on them, trying to get them to open, but they’re locked. Biting back a groan of frustration, he tosses the book over the top of the fence, wincing when it almost hits Archie before landing with a thump on the hard ground. 

“Come on, Jelly, up you go,” he says, grabbing her around the waist and helping her step on his thigh for balance while she pulls herself up and over the gate. He waits until he sees her land on her feet before turning to Betty, offering her a hand. “You ready?” 

Nodding, she grips his fingers with hers, placing her foot on his leg. He holds her firmly around the waist, helping her climb over the pointy tops of the gate and making sure she doesn’t fall before he swings himself up, almost losing his footing when he hears Jellybean yell. 

“Hurry up, Jug, they’re behind you!” 

“Get the book and run,” he tells them, looking behind him to see the three witches encroaching on them. “Oh my god, they can fly.” 

“Of course they can fly,” Archie says, his voice muffled from biting on the corner of the spellbook, trying to drag it further away from the entrance. 

“Betty, get the book!” he shouts, throwing himself over the gate, landing with a thump and a groan. Apparently, he’s knocked the air out of himself. Once he sees Betty remove the book from Archie’s maw, he rolls over to push himself up, making sure he stays in front of Jellybean as the witches get closer to the cemetery. 

“They can’t step foot on hallowed ground,” Archie informs them, backing up slowly and keeping his eyes on the witches. 

“Archibald,” Cheryl coos, leaning forward on the broom keeping her in the sky, “I’m disappointed in you, running away like that. I thought you were a fighter.” 

“I’m also a cat now, so we’re both disappointed, aren’t we?” Archie snaps back, hissing at her. 

Jellybean picks him up in a hug before stepping back into Betty, letting her wrap an arm around the both of them. 

“That book,” Cheryl says, pointing, “is mine.” 

“Possession is nine-tenths of the law,” Jughead snarks at her, moving the group of four further and further back, almost tripping over a headstone. 

“What does that mean?” Toni asks, confused. 

Even though Jughead isn’t totally sure what it means, he stands straight and looks up at them. “It means finders keepers.” 

“I can make it worth your while,” Veronica says, sitting primly on her broom. “Can’t I, Archiekins?” 

Jughead looks over his shoulder to Archie, raising his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Don’t judge me,” Archie mutters lowly. 

“I think,” Cheryl interjects, “that we can come to an understanding, don’t you?” 

“The kind where you suck the souls out of the town’s children and cause chaos wherever you go?” Archie’s voice is defiant and sounds too big to be coming out of such a small cat. “I don’t think so, Cheryl.” 

Cheryl sighs, a put upon expression on her face. “I see I have no choice, then.” Waving her hand, Jughead can see the magic coursing over the cemetery before it lands onto a grave behind them. “I may not be able to reach you, but my dearly departed brother can.” 

“Oh my god, Jug, she’s gonna make her zombie brother come after us,” Jellybean furiously whispers, her grip on Archie tightening. “We have to get out of here.” 

“I know.” 

“Jughead,” Betty says, taking a step to the side, looking over her shoulder. “If you have a plan, now would be a good time.” 

He can hear the ground breaking up around the grave behind them, the headstone that says _ Jason Blossom, Beloved Brother and Son _ getting hit with clumps of dirt while the ground rumbles underneath their feet. 

“Archie, you gotta get us out of here, man,” Jughead insists, moving away from the grave. “Any ideas?” 

Archie does the cat equivalent of a sigh before meeting his eyes in the moonlight. “Running. Lots of running.” 

“Figures,” Jughead mutters. “Betty, do you have the book?” 

“Yeah,” she answers, taking a step back. 

“Okay,” he says, keeping an eye on the moving dirt less than twenty feet from them. “Jellybean, put Archie down–” 

“He could get hurt!” Jellybean interrupts, upset at the idea. 

“He’s faster than all of us. He’ll be fine.” Spinning to face his little sister, he takes her cheeks in his hands. “You know what you asked me for earlier? Now’s the time.” 

“Piggyback?” 

Jughead nods. “Piggyback.” Turning back around, he holds out his hands to catch her legs when she jumps onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You ready?” 

“Let’s go,” Betty says before staring down at Archie. “You know a way out of here?” 

“Follow me.” Archie backs up slowly before moving to get in front of the three of them, pouncing forward and taking off. 

Jughead starts running, right behind Betty, trying not to look over his shoulder to see if Cheryl’s dead brother is out of the ground yet. He doesn’t want to know or see what a dead body looks like after over three hundred years. 

“Through there!” Archie shouts, darting off to the side. 

“Are you sure?” Jellybean asks, yelling in Jughead’s ear. “That looks like–” 

“Trust me!” 

Trying not to lag with his baby sister on his back, he chooses to keep his mouth shut and stay running behind Betty, hoping the cat knows what he’s talking about. 

Archie seems to disappear through a thicket of vines and Betty stops so abruptly that Jughead almost runs into her. 

“How are we supposed to get through that?” he asks, winded. 

Shaking her head, Betty is about to say something when Archie’s head pops back through the vines. 

“Come on!” 

Shrugging, Betty looks over her shoulder at him before getting on her knees to crawl after Archie. 

“Okay Jelly, follow Betty,” he tells Jellybean, dropping her legs so she can let go of him. 

Jellybean follows Betty’s trail, only looking back at him once before he gets down to make sure the girls made it through, wondering if over the years, Archie had forgotten that humans are bigger than cats. 

Once he gets his shoulders past some of the bigger vines, he comes up to a fence that has suffered from years of neglect, so he can easily fit through the broken bars. Lifting his head up, he sees Betty and Jellybean waiting for him, Betty holding onto the book tightly while Jellybean has picked up Archie again. 

“Let’s move,” Jughead insists, looking overhead to the thick forest trees keeping their movements covered. “Betty, do you know where we are?” 

“I think so,” she replies, still breathing heavy from all the running. “We can get back to town if we go through the park that should be around here somewhere.” 

“Lead the way.” 

* * *

**October 31st (10:00pm)**

“Dad’s not home yet,” Jughead says, pulling the house key out of his pocket, surprised it hadn’t fallen out, and unlocking the front door. 

Pushing through the doorway, Jellybean sets Archie down and throws her witch hat on a table, groaning. “I lost all my candy.” 

“Really? That’s what you’re worried about?” Jughead asks, incredulous. “Not the fact that there are witches chasing us?” 

Jellybean glares at him. “Didn’t you listen to the stories, Jug? They only have tonight to get our souls. If they don’t have them by sunrise, they’re toast.” 

“She’s right,” Betty adds, coming up and standing next to him while he locks the door, putting a chair underneath the knob just in case. “They only get until sunrise.” 

“Then poof?” Jughead asks, hopeful for the first time since he showed his stupidity and lit that candle. 

“Poof,” Archie states, stretching his front legs out and arching his back. 

He notices Betty looking at Archie before averting her eyes, face flushing. Tapping her on the shoulder, he sends an inquiring glance at Archie before meeting her eyes. 

She shakes her head and tries to walk past him. 

Stopping her with a hand on her arm, he raises his eyebrows in a silent question. 

Huffing, Betty rolls her eyes and moves closer to him, whispering. “He’s my cat, Jughead. He’s seen things.” 

“Seen things?” 

“_Seen _ things,” Betty repeats, widening her eyes at him. 

He has to bite his own tongue not to let a bunch of different emotions flash across his face. Surprise, because he hadn’t thought of that until she said it. Embarrassment for her, because he remembers the things he did in front of his old sheepdog, Hot Dog, before he passed away. And jealousy, the worst of the bunch, because it definitely means that Archie saw all sorts of things only Jughead wanted to be permitted to see. 

And touch. 

And taste. 

Trying to shake off those thoughts, he turns sympathetic eyes to her. “I’m sure he never noticed.” 

“Don’t placate me, I’ve had him for years,” she whispers. “I put him in a dress once, too.” 

“She did,” Archie cuts in, sauntering over to them. “And she married me off to one of her dolls. Didn’t work out though, irreconcilable differences and all that.” 

Coughing to cover a laugh, he smiles at Betty, whose face is a bright shade of humiliated and he pushes some of the hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear. “Come on.” 

Taking her hand, he leads her to the living room where Jellybean had already made herself comfortable on her favorite chair, half asleep. 

“She looks exhausted,” Betty says, sitting down on the sofa after putting the book on the coffee table in front of her. “I know I am.” 

“Me too,” Jughead agrees, sitting down next to her. 

Archie stretches again, jumping up onto Jellybean’s lap with a yawn. “I’m not used to this much activity.” 

“I shouldn’t be used to a cat talking but I think after bringing back witches from the dead, this is the less weird thing.” 

Betty laughs quietly, curling her feet under her and leaning into him so her head can rest on his shoulder. “It’s been a strange night.” 

He wraps an arm around her, relaxing further into the cushions behind him as Archie’s eyes close in contentment, Jellybean’s hand running through his fur. “It has.” 

“We just have to wait until sunrise, right?” Betty asks sleepily, yawning against him. 

“Just until sunrise,” he tells her, resting his head on hers, trying to stay awake but succumbing to sleep as soon as he kicks off his boots. 

* * *

**November 1st (2am)**

_ “Jug.” _

He feels his shoulder shaking and he starts awake, sitting up straight and looking over at Betty. “What’s wrong?” 

“Where’s Jellybean?” 

Turning to the chair where she’d been asleep, he finds it empty with both her and Archie gone–the spellbook as well. 

“She probably went up to her bed,” he mumbles, still sleepy. 

Betty relaxes back against him, nodding. Her face still looks troubled when she says, “Where’s your dad?” 

“I thought you knew that he was the new Sheriff?” 

“Oh.” She says it softly like she thinks she should have known. “That makes sense.” 

“And Halloween is a busy night,” he tells her, drolly. “Apparently.” 

Betty glances up at a clock on the wall. “Sunrise is only a few hours away now.” 

“Thank god.” Jughead sits up, turning towards her. “You don’t think they can figure out where we are, right?” 

Shaking her head, she gives him a small smile. “According to the legends, they need the book to make the potion to steal the souls of the children. Without that, they’re—”

“Toast?” 

“Toast,” she agrees. “If they found a way to follow us, we’d know about it already. It’s not like vampires where they’d need an invite to come in.” 

Jughead groans. “Please tell me vampires aren’t real, too.” 

“They could be, since the witches are.” 

“One problem at a time,” he says with a sigh. Meeting her eyes, he grabs her hand, playing with her fingers for a moment before speaking. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you in class today.” 

“You didn’t.” 

“Even though I hit on you in front of twenty other people?” 

Laughing lightly, Betty shakes her head, amused. “Even so. I was going to invite you to the party at my house anyway but I hadn’t worked up the courage until you handed me your phone number.” 

“No boyfriends?” 

“Just old ones.” 

Reaching for her, he tilts her chin up with a finger. “What about a new one?” 

He can see her blush in the dim light of the living room and he leans forward, pressing his lips against hers. Cupping her cheeks in his hands, he moves closer, teasing her lips with the tip of his tongue. He swallows her soft gasp as his tongue moves against hers and he lets his hands fall from her face, settling onto her hips. 

Betty’s arms wrap around his shoulders.She climbs into his lap as they kiss, one of her hands pushing up into his hair to tangle her fingers in it. Moaning lowly, he pulls her even closer against him and leans back into the sofa cushions, ignoring the flash of light he senses behind his closed eyes. 

Breaking the kiss, Betty leans back even as he chases her mouth with his. “Jughead.” 

“What?” he asks, breathless, opening his eyes to stare at her mouth. 

“What’s that light?” 

Coming back to himself, he looks over her shoulder, seeing the living room light up with a bright white light. 

“I don’t know, there’s no lamp in here that bright,” he starts, helping her off his lap and standing up, running a hand through his hair. “Jellybean.” 

“Jellybean?” 

“Come on,” he says, grabbing her hand and rushing up the stairs, her own steps chasing his. 

They make a right turn at the top of the landing, the light almost blinding when they run into Jellybean’s room. Wincing and closing his eyes against the brightness, he’s about to yell when he hears Archie. 

“Close it!” 

“I’m trying!” he hears Jellybean yell and he cracks his eyes open, trying to find her in the room. 

“Jellybean?” he asks, making his way towards her voice. 

“Jug?” Jellybean’s voice wavers. “I can’t close the book.” 

“Okay,” he says soothingly. “It’s going to be fine.” 

He feels her small hand grab his shirt and he lets go of Betty to try and help Jellybean shut the open spellbook. Betty’s hands join them and he’s ready to throw the stupid book once they finally get it closed, sighing in relief. Jughead can hear her soft sniffling.He takes the book from her and sits next to her where she was sitting on her bed, wrapping an arm around her. 

“It’s okay, Jelly.” 

“No it’s not, they’re gonna find us now,” she cries, covering her face with her hands. 

“It wasn’t open that long,” Betty tells her softly, kneeling in front of them. “Even if they saw it, I bet they can’t find it in all of the other houses in town.” 

“Betty’s right,” Jughead says. “But maybe we should go back to the cemetery until sunrise just in case?” 

Betty nods and Archie sits next to her on the ground. “Do you have a faster way to get there?” 

“Just my motorcycle,” he answers. “Which isn’t made for three people and a cat—” 

“We can take Dad’s truck,” Jellybean cuts in, looking up at him. 

“I don’t have the key, Jellybean.” 

“We don’t need one,” Betty says, standing up. “I just need five minutes and a screwdriver.” 

Smirking, Jughead stands up, putting the book under his arm. “Let’s go, then.” Waiting until Jellybean picks up Archie and heads out of her room, he grabs Betty’s hand, holding her back for a moment. “Remind me to kiss you later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dude. I can't believe I thought I could do this in 2 parts. I am dumb. 
> 
> Anyway, we're almost done! 
> 
> And thanks to anchorbird for being so patient with me while my cold turned sinus infection almost killed me and then poor sweet SunlitGarden had to deal with a very, very big mess to make this readable. She deserves a cookie. Possibly some alcohol. Pretty sure there's a lecture about clauses waiting for me but I'm a grown up so I can only pretend to listen. 
> 
> Perks of age, dolls, perks of age. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm so glad you're all coming on this ride with me and besos to you guys, you're honestly the best readers anyone can have? Other fandoms should honestly be jealous. They just can't compare to you guys. 
> 
> As always, you can [tumble](https://thetaoofbetty.tumblr.com/) with me if you want.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here we are? 
> 
> I won't waste your time up here but just know that I'm trying to learn to juggle. 
> 
> Why do you need to know that? I don't know. Just think you do. Mostly because when I admit to breaking something later, you'll have a good idea of why. 
> 
> Read on, lovelies!

**November 1st (2:45am)**

“There’s a really good chance we’re going to need to drive through that gate,” Jughead says, pushing hard on the gas pedal. “So hold on, everyone.” 

He can see Jellybean clutching Archie on her lap and Betty’s arms wrapped tightly around them, her long legs pushed out straight, bracing for the impact. 

“Ready?” 

Betty nods. “Yeah. Punch it, Jug.” 

Fingers tightening on the steering wheel, he steps harder on the gas, trying not to flinch as the old truck bursts through the metal gates. As soon as he slams on the breaks, the truck spins, kicking up dirt and grass as the tires come to a halt right off the trail at the entrance of the cemetery. 

“Is everyone okay?” Breathing heavily, Jughead looks over at his little sister and Betty to make sure no one is hurt. “No broken bones?” 

“We’re fine.” 

“I might have whiplash,” Archie offers dryly, squirming out of Jellybean’s grip and jumping to the dashboard, scanning the graveyard through the windshield. 

“You’re fine,” Jughead snarks, sitting back against the bench seat, sighing. 

“What’s the plan, Jug?” Betty asks, still holding Jellybean against her, the book on her lap. “Should we stay in the truck?” 

“Yeah,” he says, glancing in the rearview mirror, trying not to let the trepidation he's feeling color his voice. “Safer in here, right?” 

Jellybean nods, curling her legs under herself before grabbing his hand. 

“It’ll be okay, Jelly,” he promises, gently squeezing her fingers. 

Meeting Betty’s eyes over the top of Jellybean’s head, he can see she’s scared. He offers her a smile with confidence he’s not feeling but it seems to put her at ease. Her shoulders relax a bit before she gives a small smile. 

* * *

**November 1st (4am)**

“Is that flashlight still in the glovebox?” Jughead asks Jellybean, leaning over to pop it open, reaching in blindly. 

“No,” Jellybean answers in a quiet voice. “I was using it to get snacks after Dad went to bed.” 

“You really are a Jones, aren’t you?” he says, biting back his frustration. It’s not her fault that he feels like having a flashlight is a good idea the night he accidentally brought three witches back from the dead and they want to suck the souls of people so they can stay alive forever. 

“I’m sorry,” Jellybean whispers meekly. “I meant to put it back but—”

“It’s okay,” Betty soothes, running a hand over Jellybean’s hair. “You’d think your brother would be smart enough to know that phones have flashlights these days.” 

Wincing, Jughead gives Betty a remorseful look. “Betty’s right, Jelly, I wasn’t thinking.” Sagging against the steering wheel, he lets his forehead rest against it. “This whole thing is my fault anyway, I’m the one who lit the stupid candle.” 

Jellybean brightens. “That’s true. Very stupid of you, Forsythe.” 

“Forsythe?” Betty asks, amused. “Really?” 

Sitting up, Jughead glares at Jellybean. “Yes it was, Forsythia.” 

“Don’t call me that!” 

“You called me Forsythe!” 

“Wait,” Betty interjects, confused. “Your real names are Forsythe and Forsythia?” 

Jellybean smirks at him before answering. “Technically, Jughead is Forsythe Pendleton Jones the Third.” 

“Your dad is Forsythe, too?” Betty asks, eyes wide. 

“And I thought Archibald was bad,” Archie quips, moving from his curled up position on the dashboard, stretching his back. 

“Can we all please stop saying Forsythe?” Jughead pleads, covering his face with his hands and groaning. “Forever, if possible.” 

“Maybe I would if you called me JB like I asked you to,” Jellybean says, crossing her arms in front of her with a sour look on her face. 

Pouting dramatically, Jughead turns to her. “But you’re my little Jellybelly—” 

“No!” Jellybean yells, kicking at him. “You signed a contract!” 

“A contract?” Betty laughs. “Really?” 

“A binding one,” Jellybean huffs out, staring out of the window. 

Jughead shrugs, checking the mirrors before looking back to Betty. “It won’t hold up in court.” 

“You don’t know that,” Jellybean mutters, reaching to pat Archie on the head. 

* * *

**November 1st (6am)**

“When does the sun come up?” 

Betty rolls her shoulders, stretching her arms. “Around seven-thirty.” 

Fighting a groan of annoyance, Jughead nods. “So, only another hour and a half?” 

“Yeah.” 

“And then they what? Poof back to wherever they came from?” 

“I guess. It’s not like there’s a lot of references for it.” 

Gazing at Betty apologetically, he reaches for her hand, trying to not wake a sleeping Jellybean. “I’m sorry.” 

“I know.” Betty laces her fingers with his. “It’s okay.” 

“Says the one who didn’t bring back witches from the dead.” 

Huffing a low laugh, she shakes her head. “True, but at least you didn’t spend the last decade dressing in front of your cat who also happens to be a person.” 

Pushing down the absurd jealousy of a cat, he gives her a reassuring smile. “I’m sure he didn’t look. Did you, Archie?” 

“Of course not,” Archie answers from the ball he’d curled himself into. One of Archie’s eyes barely opens and if cats can wink, Jughead will swear on Archie’s own grave that that’s what he did. “I’m nothing if not a gentleman, Betty.” 

“That sounded rehearsed,” Betty mumbles, choosing to ignore Archie’s comment further as she changes the subject. “Where do you think the zombie brother went?” 

“Hopefully back to his grave.” 

* * *

**November 1st (7am)**

“It’s not as dark as before,” Jughead observes, leaning forward to look at the fading moonlight. 

“I hear that happens when the sun comes back around,” Archie says, walking back and forth along the dashboard, agitated. 

“Wow. You’re sarcastic for a cat, you know that, right?” 

“You try being a cat for three hundred years. Do you know how hard it is to escape being neutered in these modern times? I once spent two days in a tree, living off of forest mice.” 

“That’s where you were!” Betty exclaims. “I looked for you everywhere.” 

Flinching in sympathy, Jughead gives him a nod. “I get it.” 

Sulking, Archie keeps pacing along the dashboard before stopping, his ears pointing forward. “There’s something or someone hiding in the shadows on the south side of those headstones.” 

“What?” 

“Over there,” Archie says. “By that big tree to the side of those big headstones, do you see it?” 

Narrowing his eyes, Jughead follows Archie’s line of sight and spots a shadow moving in the waning darkness. “Yeah.” 

“What is it?” Betty asks, keeping her voice low to not wake Jellybean. 

“I’m going to go find out,” he tells her, moving slowly to pop open the door lock before quietly pulling on the handle. “Stay in here and keep the doors locked.”

“Jug—”

“I’ll be right back.” 

“Hopefully,” mutters Archie, his tail flicking back and forth. 

Giving him a look, Jughead slips out of the truck, wincing when the door closes louder than he intended but keeping his resolve to go find out what’s lurking in the shadows. 

_ It’s probably nothing, _ he tells himself, clenching his fists and breathing in deeply. _ Most likely nothing. Probably not witches who’ve come to eat your soul before trying to eat your little sister’s soul. And then maybe the brand new girlfriend you haven’t even gotten to first base with. Definitely not. _

Getting closer to the headstones, he hears the soft sounds of damp leaves crunching and it takes all of his willpower not to turn and run as fast as he can back to the truck and then pretend every part of the last twenty-four hours, with the exception of kissing Betty, never happened. 

Stopping, he inhales deeply, shaking out his hands to try and relax himself as he closes his eyes for a moment. Opening them, he screams loudly, falling back onto his backside in the damp grass. 

“What the hell!?” Jughead yells, scrambling backward. 

“You startle easy for someone who was there when I was brought back from the dead,” Jason Blossom’s corpse tells him. “I expected more from you.” 

“Okay, well, to be fair, I didn’t expect zombies, so neither of us are getting what we want.” 

“And what is it you want?” 

Standing up and wiping his hands off on his legs, he shrugs carelessly. “I’d like to be able to go back to my house, make sure my baby sister is safe, and then maybe make out with my girlfriend some more.” 

“I don’t know what that last part means—” 

“Kissing,” Jughead cuts in. 

“I see. I’d like to go back to being dead, so if you can avoid being captured until my dear sister is good and dead, I’d appreciate it.” 

“Not a fan of Cheryl, then?” 

“Would you be?” 

Jughead gave him a sardonic smile. “Can’t say that I would. Or her friends, to be truthful.” 

Jason groans, his gray and leathered hands running over his dirt-covered hair. “If only I had had the wherewithal to kill them before they killed me.” 

Eyebrows shooting up in shock, Jughead takes a slight step back. “Your sister killed you?” 

“It’s a long story, but I suggest you don’t take dear Antoinette to your bed if you want to keep your head—” 

“Head?” 

Tilting his chin up, Jason shows him the thick line of stitches keeping his undead head attached to his undead neck. 

“I’m really not planning on sleeping with a witch anytime soon so I should be good,” he tells Jason, rolling back on his heels and pulling his phone out of his pocket to look at the time. “The sun comes up in less than twenty minutes, so unless they’re going to pull off some serious magic, I think we should be okay.” 

“You just jinxed it. You know that, don’t you?” 

Exhaling loudly, Jughead runs his hands through his hair. “Yeah. Tonight really hasn’t been my night.” 

“You know—”

Jason cuts himself off, staring over Jughead’s shoulder. 

“You really should have kept your mouth shut,” he laments, gesturing for Jughead to turn around. 

Spinning around slower than he probably should, he can see the shadow of three witches on brooms getting closer and closer to the truck. He swallows down his fear and starts to run, stopping short when he sees Cheryl using magic to try and lift the truck off the ground. 

“Hey!” he yells, starting to run again. “Over here!” 

He only succeeds in getting Veronica’s attention instead of Cheryl’s. Throwing himself on the hood of the truck, he climbs on it, trying to keep his balance while Veronica smirks at him. 

“Oh look at that, Cheryl,” Veronica almost coos, “he’s offered himself up for you.” 

Cheryl lets the truck go still, narrowing her eyes at him. “I want my book.” 

Spreading his arms wide, he looks up at her. “I want a vintage Underwood and a burger but we don’t always get what we want.” 

“I do,” Chery hisses, pointing her finger at him and he can feel himself floating into the air. “So give me my spellbook.” 

“Cheryl,” Toni whimpers, “the sun is coming soon.” 

“I know,” she says, gritting her teeth. “Which is why this pathetic little boy is going to give me my book or I’m going to drop him on his fragile head.” 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Jughead tells her flippantly, “I’ve been told my head is pretty thick, I might be okay—” 

“Shut up.” Cheryl pulls him up further, making his arms flail. “No one wants to hear you talk.” 

“You might want to hurry this up,” Veronica says, looking nervous for the first time. 

“Why?” Jughead asks, pretending he’s not getting increasingly worried he’s going to fall and break his neck. “Do you guys have a deadline or something?” 

The three witches glare at him. 

“Come on.” He shrugs. “That was a good pun.” 

“How has no one killed you yet?” Cheryl beckons him closer with a crook of her finger, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. “It’s so very, very tempting to just—”

A bright light washed over them, the witches shouting and closing their eyes, Chery’s grip weakening. 

“Hey!” Betty yells from below them. “Put my boyfriend down!” 

“The sun, Cheryl! It burns!” Toni shouts, almost losing her balance on her broom to put her hands over her head. 

“It does feel drying on the skin,” Veronica adds, trying to use her skirts to cover her exposed skin. “Can you kill him already?” 

“Did you not even listen to your own legends?” Jughead asks in disbelief. “The sun comes up, you go poof.” 

“Poof?” Toni whines. “Veronica, I don’t want to go poof.” 

“He lies,” Cheryl soothes, her fingers tightening on his shirt. “We just need the spellbook—” 

The blaring of the horn stops her short and she loses her grip on him completely. He hits the ground with a loud grunt, pain shooting through his body. 

“Are you okay?” Betty asks, kneeling next to him to help him sit up. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” he says, resting his forehead against hers. “Jellybean?” 

“In the truck with Archie.” 

“Good.” Jughead groans in pain when he tries to stand up. “What time is it?”

“Almost sunrise.” 

A loud thump catches their attention, making them both turn to face the front of the truck. 

“Aren’t you two cute?” Cheryl asks. 

“I like to think so,” Jughead deadpans, trying not to let her see how much he’s leaning on Betty. “Adorable, even.” 

“I’m going to enjoy killing you,” she says, tossing her hair behind her shoulder. “So much.” 

“Shut up, Cheryl, for once in your life, just shut up!” 

“Jason?” 

“The body formerly known as, yes.” 

“I raised you from the dead and this is how you repay me?” 

Jughead and Betty’s eyes are bouncing back and forth between them as they try and inch backwards away from Cheryl.

“You killed me, you silly hag,” Jason snaps. “And then you wouldn’t even give me the courtesy of letting me stay dead!” 

“Well, you know how angry I can get. I didn’t mean it, dear brother.” 

“Why should you care who I—”

“Oh, we don’t have time to unpack any of that,” Jughead interrupts, pointing at the sky, watching the sun starting to rise. “It’s a bit late for that conversation.” 

The screams of Veronica and Toni as the sun hits them feels like it deafens him, making him wince and look up just in time to see them turn to ash, leaving Cheryl yelling for them. 

“Your turn, I think,” Betty says, lifting her chin in challenge at Cheryl. 

Jumping down to the ground, Cheryl manages to take two steps before stopping, unable to move further. 

“What’s this?” 

“Pretty sure it’s not one of your better ideas,” Jughead offers, flinching as he breathes in deeply. “Seeing as I think you’re turning to stone.” 

Cheryl stops trying to move and stiffens further, her face haughty. “At least I won’t die a virgin.” 

“I’m pretty sure he won’t,” Betty informs her, tightening her arm around his waist and he wants to both laugh and kiss her. 

“You can do better,” Cheryl sniffs, crossing her arms as they turn to stone. A deep sorrow crosses her face for a moment. “I’m sorry killing you, Jason. I overreacted.” 

“Apology accepted,” Jason tells her, his own voice sad in the morning light. He watches his sister turn to stone before falling to ash before turning back to Betty and Jughead. “I’m going back to my grave before her magic wears off completely and I die again in an undignified heap on the wet grass.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll rebury you,” Jughead says, giving him a nod. 

“Thank you.” 

They watch Jason walk further into the cemetery before jumping at the sound of Jellybean yelling. 

“Jug! Help me!” 

“What?” He limps over to where she’s sitting on the ground next to the truck, holding a limp Archie in her lap. “What’s wrong?” 

“Something’s wrong with Archie!” 

“It’s okay, Jellybean,” Archie says in a quiet voice. “This is what I was hoping for.” 

“To die?” 

“To go home.” His whiskers give a twitch, like he’s trying to smile. “I don’t belong here anymore.” 

Jellybean’s sobs cut Jughead straight through but he gives Archie a nod, wrapping his arms around her and letting her cry into his shoulder. 

“We couldn’t have done this without you, Archie,” Betty whispers, sniffing while she wipes her eyes. “I’m sorry about the dress and the tea parties and trying to neuter you.” 

“All is forgiven.” Slowly turning his head, his eyes meet Jughead’s. “Despite everything, Jughead, I want to thank you for lighting that candle.” 

Trying to discreetly wipe his eyes, Jughead smiles. “It was just a little hocus pocus, right?” 

Laughing weakly, Archie tries to lift his head. 

“Don’t,” Jughead says, stopping him with a gentle hand. “It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything more.” 

“I’ll miss you,” Jellybean whimpers into his fur as the light leaves Archie’s eyes and his chest stops moving. 

“It’s okay, Jelly,” Betty tells her, tugging her into her lap and leaning against the side of the truck. “Look.” 

Looking up, Jughead gives an amazed laugh. At the edge of the cemetery he sees a tall redhead hugging a shorter man with dark hair, both of them smiling widely. Archie turns, his smile still wide and waves at them before disappearing into the edge of a bright light. He pulls Betty and Jellybean closer, burying his face in Betty’s hair, ready to face what’s next. 

Which is hopefully kissing his girlfriend. When he lifts his head and meets her eyes, she’s smirking at him.

“What?” 

“Nothing,” she teases, her eyes lighting up. “I just remember you telling me to remind you to kiss me later.” 

And with a breathy and relieved laugh, he does. 

* * *

**Five Years Later **

“Are you sure you want to do this?” 

Pushing Betty by her hips back into the wall, he presses himself up against her. “Of course. Something about returning to the scene of the crime, right?” 

“Mmhmm,” Betty hums out, raising an eyebrow at him. “It’s just because it was finally cleaned up, isn’t it? Can’t get dust on your butt now, can you?” 

“True, but that also means you won’t get dust on yours, either.” 

“Fair, but you’re still ridiculous.” 

Kissing her quickly, he pulls back with a smile. “True, but you still love me.” 

“Do I?” 

Narrowing his eyes at her, he pushes his hips into hers. “I think you do.” 

“I suddenly can’t recall,” she tells him impishly. “What’s your name again?” 

“You’re going to pay for that,” he threatens, moving forward to nip at her jawline.

Her voice is breathy when she answers. “Somehow, I think I’ll enjoy it.” 

“Is that right?” he murmurs into the skin of her neck, lightly biting his way across her collarbone. “I think you do it on purpose.” 

“Maybe.” She digs her fingers into his shoulders, grabbing and bunching the fabric of his shirt, pulling it until he moves back to let her tug it over his head. 

“Impatient?” 

“Shut up.” 

“For a price,” he says, tossing his shirt to the ground before resting his hands back on her hips. 

“Okay but I’m going to need something soft to kneel on.” 

Choking on his shock, he rests his head against her shoulder while trying to keep his unexpected laughter in check. “That’s not what I meant but remind me to put that on the table later.” 

“Then what did you mean?” 

“How about—” Walking his fingers under the hem of her sweater, he pulls it up slowly, his knuckles barely a whisper against her skin. “—you let me take this off and I can show you, instead?” 

Betty moans lowly, nodding at him as she raises her arms, letting him push the soft knitted fabric up and over her head. 

“And,” he starts, pushing one of his hands into her hair, holding her head still while he steals a quick kiss, “I think we should get rid of these.” Plucking the button of her jeans open, he feels her skin break out in goosebumps when he slowly tugs the zipper down, the sound of it almost loud in the quiet of the old cottage. 

Pushing them past past her hips, he gets on his knees and bites at the little bow on her panties, making her laugh and run her hands through his hair. Once her jeans are around her calves, he lets go of the pretty little pink bow and takes the elastic between his teeth and pulls, along with his hands that’ve found their way back to her hips. 

Sitting back when they fall to her mid thighs, he lets go and looks up at her with a smirk while his fingers trail up and down her legs, still enjoying the goosebumps on her skin. “Are you cold?” 

Gazing intently at him, she tightens her grip in his hair. “I could ask the same.” 

At his confused face, she gives a deliberate stare to just below his hips. 

“You can never let me have it, can you?” he asks, laughing and resting his face against her stomach. 

“Maybe one day.” 

Kissing her stomach lightly, he moves across her hip bones before going lower, curling his fingers around the backs of her thighs, holding her still. Running his tongue along the crease of her thigh, he smiles into her skin when he hears her breath catch. Moving the other side, he does it again, nipping the soft skin when she grips his hair almost too hard. 

There’s no sound except for Betty’s murmured encouragement interspersed with her breathy moans when he flicks his tongue across her clit, tightening his grip on her thighs when he sucks it gently into his mouth, making her knees almost buckle. 

He’s teasing her, letting her almost come before he pulls back, giving her soft little licks while she tries to even her breathing. 

“Nothing to say now?” he asks, feeling smug. 

“Only if it means you’re going to finish the job.” 

Shaking his head, he gives her a long look before standing up and unbuttoning his jeans. Pulling down the zipper while meeting her eye, he makes a spinning motion with one of his fingers. “Turn around.” 

Betty bites her lip but moves to press her hands against the wall, pushing her backside out to him as she looks over her shoulder at him. “Like this?” 

“Just like that,” he tells her, pushing his pants and boxers off his hips and moving up behind her. Giving her upper thigh a soft smack, he leans against her, pulling her back further into him, slipping into her easily. “Definitely just like that.” 

Moving in and out of her slowly, he wraps his hand around her hair, lifting it so he can run a line of soft kisses against her shoulder and up her neck, his other hand curling around her waist, traveling down to rub small circles against her clit, timing the pressure with his thrusts. He can’t help the groans that are falling out of his mouth, resting his head against her while she pushes back into him in the same rhythm. 

The heat building in his abdomen has him breathing harshly against her skin, making him whisper between pants, telling her how much he wants her to come with him. When he feels her tighten around him, he lets himself go, moaning her name loudly and slowing down, working through her own orgasm, holding her weight when she goes limp against him. 

“That was fun,” she says in a breathless but teasing tone. “We should escape into the woods for that more often.” 

Laughing softly, he kisses the side of her head before wrapping his arms tightly around her, not ready to let go. “Hey.” 

“What?” 

“Do you want to light that candle again, just to see what happens?” 

“Only if you want me to get that spellbook back out and find a way to curse you,” Betty retorts and though he’ll never tell anyone, he swears he sees the book staring at him from its pedestal out of the corner of his eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT THIS IS LATER THAN I INTENDED, I AM SORRY AND TERRIBLE, SOMEONE TAKE AWAY MY FIC AUTHOR RIGHTS. 
> 
> But really, I hope you enjoyed it, Anchor-Bird! I had a good time writing and thank you so much for asking me, someone who did not deserve to write this AU, to actually write this for you! 
> 
> And big thanks to SunlitGarden, even when she had to make sense of what I wrote through a haze of sinus meds. 
> 
> And to you guys! The readers, all of whom I would make out with. No reason, cuz you're pretty. Besos! All the besos! 
> 
> As always, you can come [tumble](https://thetaoofbetty.tumblr.com/) with me if you want.


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